Category Fiction

Things Too Horribly Depressing to Contemplate for Too Long

When the screens of old, discarded CRT televisions are smashed by other garbage, obvious as the other garbage is lying inside the screen. It just seems like giving a dead man a Glasgow smile. A bachelor in the process of purchasing icing that you know will be used for direct consumption, not out of some […]

The Man Who May Have Been the Gerber Baby

(This is a selection from my as yet-unpublished fictional memoir “The Great Poet of Garbage”. Enjoy.) There were rumors, millings about, theories, whispers, whispers that he may have been, possibly was, had hidden his past as the Gerber Baby. No one was sure. But no one mentioned him without mentioning that. Someone in town whose […]

The Library Books

I saw it again. There it was. I went to the margins with my mechanical pencil, set to scribble as was my wont. And in the margins already scrawled-the note I was going to leave. I would’ve taken it as a happy coincidence, a signpost from a fellow traveler, and the first 16 times it […]

Captured By Clowns

I was surrounded by clowns. They were sick of being second class citizens and entertaining your children. I’d been following them as a journalist. But now I was under suspicion. They kept me captive in a supply closet. I was surrounded by face paints. I realized what they were trying to do-a psychological operation. They […]

All In All We Liked the Bomb Threats

(This is an excerpt from my as yet unpublished and somewhat fictional memoir, The Great Poet of Garbage. If this piques your interest and you’d like to see more, please get in touch in the comments. There’s way more where this came from.) The assignment was to build a bridge out of popsicle sticks that […]

Mad Max and the Bechdel Test: Gender Equality’s 65th Percentile

One matter regarding Mad Max: Fury Road has irritated me since the “Men’s Rights Advocates” first complained about it, all the way back when the trailer was first released. Stanley alluded to it in his second take on the movie. The shallowness of the Bechdel Test is clearly not lost on Stan, but the political ramifications of what, in […]

Liberation Theologies of a Consumer Society

…there used to be rather serious firewalls between the artist and the buying public – the gallery, the publisher. And technology demolishes that wall and basically says, self-promote or die. And that is a bad head for any sort of artist to be forced into. –Jonathan Franzen If a number is so large that we […]

The Last Movie Review Column

Look, I…I just got fired so…so I’m delaying sending this to the editor until he’ll have almost no time to see what it is. Yes, your suspicions are true-I will, as of the end of this column, no longer be writing reviews for the Altfield Gazette Tribune. They’ll print this very small and in the […]

On the NSA

(This is a short story from my recently released spoken word album More Apocalypses That Probably Won’t Happen.) They had found a way to democratize God. Video and audio and 3D drone scanners recorded everything and stored it in giant digital monoliths. You could have your life flash before your eyes without having to die. […]

Notes Relating to Herman Melville I Wrote On a Napkin

“Herman Melville’s “The Confidence Man”: It’s all set on a merchant ship (Melville loves his boats) and in one part two middle class men see a wretched looking black man who is both crippled and lame dancing to get people to throw coins at him so he can catch them in his mouth. One of […]